The Bus Journey

Look good in Leather - Cody Chestnut

You've been on a bus. So have I. I take the bus rather regularly. However, the bizarre occurrences which took place on the bus on which I travelled today positively disturbed me into thinking that I might just not be alone in being the only insane person in this world.

I get onto one of those lovely double decker buses. If you've never been on one, I'd recommend it. The top deck seems to always have seats, and, as one person pointed out today, it has an emergency exit which can be opened easily via the handle. This emergency exit is followed by a ten foot drop. Not exactly my dish of the day.

Anyway, on with the story. I get on the bus, and as usual, I go upstairs. There were very few people on the top deck today. In fact, I could probably count them all with my fingers, if I had three hands. I sat down, and was immediately struck with a strangely annoying chirping sound. I presumed it was a baby, as it was coming from the vicinity of two girls.

Upon further inspection (out of the corner of my eye), it wasn't a baby, especially with the frequency and strangeness of the noise, but it was coming from the two girls. One girl was talking quite normally to the other girl, and after the first girl asked a question, there was a chirping reply. Oh, maybe the other girl had a speech disablement that for some strange reason meant that she could only communicate through chirps. Under this assumption, I cast a glance over the top deck.

In front of me, there were the majority of the population of the top deck. They consisted of a number of untalketive, and straight backed people, who were obviously embarrassed by the chirping sound emanating from the girl, and an old man, who was half asleep and didn't seem to have even heard the chirping noise.

Behind me, that population of the top deck was a mere three. A mother, and two sons, probably about 9 and 13. The mother was sitting calmly and quietly. And the two sons? The windows were fogged up, so, what were they doing? They were scribbling the words "Shut Up" with an arrow pointing at the chirper on every available fogged up window behind the two girls.

Then, one of the boys walks determinedly to the front of the top deck, and where there's the front fogged up windscreen, for all to see, he writes in huge writing "POO" on the glass. No reaction from the zombie straight backed audience. I just burst out laughing. Still no reaction to the laughing maniac who was laughing at the word "Poo" on a window.

Slowly, the bus emptied. Finally, it was just me, and the two girls. Obviously, the chirper wasn't really disabled, as they were having a perfectly intelligible conversation. Evidently, the chirper had had some sort of device in her mouth (which was now removed) which caused the bird-like sound.

The fun wasn't over. The girls were ignoring me (because they don't know me, obviously), and deep in a conversation. I was slightly annoyed because the chirper had deprived me of much needed public transport sleep. So, I started whistling jazz, loudly. Then, after receiving no reaction, I started cursing (mildly) in a talketive voice, as if I were talking to myself. Then I received a break in conversation and a stare. Excellent. I had annoyed them.

I left the bus shortly after, thanking the bus driver, and stepping out to the cold, wet winter of Ireland. Undoubtedly the strangest bus journey I have ever taken a part in. If you ever visit Ireland, go to Dublin, and use the 11 bus route. You might meet a couple of zombie like characters, chirping girls, window graffitiing boys, and a stranger who curses out loud to himself, but don't worry, it's perfectly normal. And thank the bus driver when you have finished your journey - they're nice guys.

Going Home - Dire Straits (kind've approriate, don't you think?)